No Going Back

Today marks 3 years since my “new normal.” I’ve been thinking a lot about this term being used as related to the current situation in our world. It’s a term I’m unfortunately incredibly familiar with. By no means am I trying to downplay what is currently going on – we are in a global pandemic. A once in a lifetime, once in a century event. These are wild and weird times, unlike anything most of us have ever seen in our lifetime. People are dying, are out of work, losing their life savings, losing loved ones. I’m pretty sure we’re all slowly losing our minds too. This is not a game and this is not a drill. But I want to speak specifically about loss and this “new normal.”

As I said, I’ve been living a new normal for 3 years now. After loss, one simply does not go back. You can’t go back – there is nothing that’s even remotely the same to return to. I don’t even recognize the person I was on April 21, 2017. That person is gone. Light, happy, with no idea what was to come. That was then and this is now. There is a distinct before and after. My family does not operate the same, my friendships do not look the same, even my health has not been the same since then. If you have experienced a significant loss in life, what we are experiencing collectively should actually be a familiar feeling. We should not be surprised. Yet we live in a culture that looks away from loss and grief, so we are somehow surprised. Every time. We refuse to face that which is one of the only certainties in life – death. We’re so ill prepared to handle something like this because nobody wants to face that life is unpredictable and mostly out of our control. We fix, tighten, force, push, go go go and plan plan plan until we exhaust ourselves. We look away from people who have experienced unimaginable loss because we don’t want to admit it will happen to us too. Oh, but it will. It will happen to you too. Loss and pain are a part of life. And now everyone on this planet is experiencing some form of loss – even if there hasn’t been loss of life for you personally, there has been loss of a regular schedule, loss of freedom to go out, loss of human touch, loss of true connection, and the list goes on. Yes, that is incredibly sad. And yes, we can want and yearn for those things, I’m not saying we can’t. But the sooner we as human beings accept that we do not have ultimate control, the easier it will be to face uncertain times.

Everyone is ready to “get back to normal” – as if what’s happening hasn’t forever changed the world. I’m so intimate with being forever changed that while yes, these times are scary, it feels like an old friend is visiting me. The knowledge that life is uncertain has been right by my side every single second for 3 years. We cannot control anything. Sorry, but you can’t. Yes, I know that’s a scary thing to think about. But the sooner we learn to let go of expectations, the easier life becomes. We have been given an opportunity to stop and PAUSE* and truly think about that. We have an opportunity to go inside and reflect on what really matters. Because since we can’t control what will happen to us, life may change in the blink of an eye so we better have our priorities right. Are we living RIGHT NOW? In such a way that if everything changed tomorrow, would we like all that’s left? Would we like the person that we are left with, the person that remains at our core being? If destruction was all around us, could we handle just being happy with ourselves? I guess I am negating my previous point that we can’t control anything because ultimately, we can only control ourselves. So, fine – I take it back. You can control one thing – yourself and how you react to life. You can control your thoughts. But that’s it. I guess what I’m trying to say is we have no external control. But we do have internal control over ourselves. As the saying goes, “control your thoughts, control your world.” So are we taking this time to examine our internal world, our thoughts, the way we talk to ourselves, whether we even like ourselves? Each of us has been stripped down to a pretty bare version of ourselves due to current events. Do you like who you see?

To reference Steven Furtick’s recent sermon, “faith looks forward.” He discusses “looking forward” to normal versus wanting to “go back” to normal. “Onward,” as Elizabeth Gilbert always says. We are having a collective spiritual awakening as a globe to really slow down and check in with ourselves, check in with our purpose, because things as we know it now are not always guaranteed. I say all this not to scare you but as a warning from someone who has lived a “new normal” in her own life. Losing Dad profoundly changed me forever. And I’m still here. I’m still standing. So if I’m still standing, you will be too after all this is over. My new normal has not killed me. Has it changed me? 100%, yes. But does change have to be negative? No. What will your life look like after all this is over? Will you just go back to the way it was? Frenzied, frenetic, disconnected, forcing everything? Or will you take this time to align your priorities and think about what really matters to you? LIVE your life, truly live your life at the core of who you are (I beg you!) before the rug is pulled from under your feet. Because it WILL happen. Are you ready?

*yes, I realize this pause does not apply to our Healthcare workers and essential workers. I want to acknowledge that. I know there is no pause and rest for you at this time. But for the rest of you complaining about the downtime and wanting to get back to normal, this post is for you.